Here’s the ‘story for another day’ I alluded to previously.
I was afraid to come out to my mother so it was more than a year before I told her about Mel and I. All the while, I’m feeling totally guilty for not telling her because everybody else knows… and no one is surprised. In the long run, I know that my mother will not really have an ongoing problem with my orientation or my relationship but I’m still a chickenshit. Her being in Florida every winter made it easier not to tell but it wasn’t like I wasn’t planning to tell her, I just didn’t have the courage. Finally, my brother ends up inadvertently outing me by telling me to “give Mel a big wet one” over the phone when my mother was within earshot. My mother overheard it, the wheels started turning and she called me back moments later to ask what was going on. I ended up having to explain it all over the phone. Long distance.
Afterwards, my mother is bothered that I didn’t tell her before. Of course, I expected that. The news itself, along with being the last to know, was pretty hard for her to deal with at first. Instead of talking to me about it, she dumped on my brother fairly often and then ended up at PFLAG. She goes to two meetings and decides never to go back because she is traumatized by the speaker at the second meeting who confesses his sleazy affairs to the group which were, according to mom, disgusting and age inappropriate – bordering on pedophilia. In her words, “I can’t believe anyone would try to justify that type of behavior.” My poor mother.
It took a little while but Mom is pretty much fine and all happy now. She still won’t tell any of her friends, at least I don’t think she has. Except for one couple she’s been friends with for years who have a daughter who is – you guessed it – a big homo. I think they helped my mother out alot. They also loaned her a book, fiction, a nice illustration of lesbians as a family. My mother loves Mel now, it turns out they have alot in common. Sometimes they conspire against discuss me like I’m not there. My mother has even made references to ‘gaining a daughter.’
Now, fairly recently, my mom is like into my being gay or something. She went on a cruise and came home with a poster print for me that she deemed “lezzie” art because the artist only paints women. The other day she went to the movies with a friend. She saw Kissing Jessica Stein in one theater while her friend saw a different movie in another theatre. While she was waiting for her friend’s movie to end she had to call me up on her cell phone and tell me all about the movie, saying that I had to go see it. I had to laugh as I pointed out to her that she thought I’d like it just because of the lesbian content. Still, that’s pretty cool.
isn’t it so cute when they’re in that new dyke daughter mode? :)<br><br>and i can’t wait to see ‘kissing jessica stein’… it’s coming to our artsy-fartsy theater soon… we saw the previews there (and felt the eyes on the backs of our heads) and laughed our asses off. gotta see it!
Parents: they are WEIRD!!! I remember there being so many things about me, or in my life that I was afraid to tell them, and when it finally came out, they were ALWAYS like, "Gee, that’s no big deal." Sure, I’m not gay, so I’ve not had THAT to deal with, but try this: bring home a girlfriend while you’re still married (in the middle of a long divorce). THAT’s pretty traumatic. Dad was OK, Mom LOVES her. Up for me in two weeks; meeting my Grandparents and my Sister (and her family). The Grandparents are as old fashioned as it gets; I may be in for a helluva ride. ANYWAY… point is, I think most parents are much more open minded than we give them credit for. If they REALLY know us and have paid attention to us, then they’ll pretty much know things about us before we do. Being a parent, I know (yes, I know for a fact) that if one of my kids were to tell me that they were gay, first of all, I’d have probably known about it before they had just by watching them grow, their choices, crushes, etc. Second, I have a very close relationship with my kids, and I work hard to maintain that. My daughter confides in me some things I’ve never expected to hear, and I always remain calm, never get shocked or angry, and help her work through her "issues." My son is easier to talk to, being a boy like me, but nonetheless, it’s all about the open line of communication, and showing both of them that I love them unconditionally. Regardless of what they do, I will always be their Dad, and always be in their corner with nothing but love and support for them.<br><br>I know from experiences within my own family, and from friends, that not all parents are open minded and understanding. I know that there are often either religious, social, cultural, or other factors to why a parent wouldn’t accept their child’s lifestyle. For the children of people like this, I hope that they can find peace and eventually, restore their relationship with their parents through time. I just know that I could NEVER alienate my kids. I love them too much!!!<br><br>(sorry for the rambling, folks!!!)
Your mom is adorable! took her awhile, but she’s adorable. I agree that most of our parents are much cooler than we give them credit for, but it’s their fault too! Why don’t they tell us? Roni, if you’re gay, I’ll still love you…if you’re a commie, I’ll still love you….if you are X, Y or Z, I’ll still love you.
Okay, my mom did exactly the same thing with "kissing jessica stein", and then she was a bit offended when I said that I wasn’t interested in seeing the movie.<br><br>also, my mom informed me that lesbians are able to have children. she has clearly moved into a new level of acceptance–gimme grandkids, and gimme ’em now!
well, at least it’s all out now. must have been a bit stressful, the not telling. and yay for acceptance!
wow, thank you greybird for sharing this story. i was going to suggest that you are lucky to have a mother like that, but instead i’ll say that your mother is lucky to have you.
My mother was like that when I told her I was a lesbian, but maybe she was confused because I’m a guy. Still, I can sympathize. I’m glad it all worked out it the end.
My mom changed pronouns without a hitch when it came to nagging me.
My Mom once referred to a girlfriend I introduced her to as, "peculiar and insincere." She was absolutely right about that and has been dead on ever since. Mom knows dykes!